August 2, 2014

A Little Humor from HIDDEN MOUNTAIN

... I pushed Raven harder. She flew.

I took my eyes off the road long enough to glance at my brother; despite his holding onto the dash, his face was filled with glee! Then his attire caught my eye, and made me wince.
“José, I need to take you shopping. The Miami look isn’t working. With no socks, and Italian leather shoes, someone will kill you out here. You need some boots.” Suddenly, I realized José needed some serious deviation from his norm.
A flashing red light in my rearview mirror had me swearing. “Son-of-a-bitch, José, I’m going to jail. I’m driving like a maniac going 90 miles an hour. I’ve a Glock .45 in my boot without my weapons permit. To top it all off, my damn attorneys are from Miami. Not to mention, Amanda may well be kidnapped and my wallet is in yesterday’s clothes, all because I was feeling` love, last night.
You need to call Pop, now. Get me an attorney. Take my damn phone. If Amanda calls, you lie to her as if your life depends on it. Shit José, he is going to arrest me. This is a first for me. José, do you have your license with you? I hope he lets you take Raven.”
I found a wide spot on the road and pulled over. Jose was yammering on the phone, and I watched in the rear-view mirror as the Trooper approached the car, with one hand on his weapon.
He stood looking at us for a moment, ran his eyes over me and Jose, then across the back seat. “Going a little fast there, and neither one of you look like you are in labor or bleeding.”
“My girlfriend is in danger.”
“Sure she is. Got papers on this ride?”
“Yes, the glove box…  My wallet…I left it at home.”
“Let’s see the registration.” He glanced down at the paperwork after I handed it over.
“Antonio Domínguez?”
 “Dr. Antonio Domínguez, Anthropologist.” I elaborated.
“Is that so? Well Dr. Antonio Dominquez, Anthropologist; your registration is expired, so are your tags. You are by your own admission driving without a license while exceeding the speed limit, and therefore I am going to have to ask you to get out of the car, and come with me.”
As I opened the door and got out, I remembered the Glock.
“Sir, my boot, my permit is in my wallet.” I tried to explain.
“I thought you said your wallet was at home, now you remember it’s in your boot? The Trooper asked sarcastically.
I realized suddenly that this situation could get ugly real quick; I was standing on the side of the road, worried about Amanda, armed, without identification or proper permits; and I had to get a Trooper with a smart mouth.
Slowly, as if speaking to a child, I explained about the Glock.
“Yes sir, my wallet is at home, but in my boot is a Glock…” This was as far as I got, before the Trooper spun me around and tossed me face down bent over the hood of Raven. I knew that was going to happen! He pressed the button on his mike and called for back-up.
“Just be still. No sudden moves. I am going to cuff you, and then sit you down over here on the ground.”
“You, in the car, hands where I can see them!” Stern, but fair, his voice implied; I could see Jose through the windshield, and his mouth was gaping open, and he had the phone resting between his ear and his shoulder; like a good boy he threw both hands in the air. 
“Now get out of the car and walk slowly around to the front.” I watched José, slowly lower one hand and open the door; he walked around to the front. The Trooper pulled me upright and walked me around the front of Raven, then sat me down in the dirt.
“Which boot is the weapon in?” I held up my left foot, and he jerked off my boot with a hard tug. The Glock was strapped to my ankle, so he released the strap, took the weapon and dropped my foot.
“Now, as a learned man, and an official of the law, I feel I must warn you I have judged the situation and come to the conclusion that the shit just hit the fan.” He was looking at the Glock, and expertly released the clip, took note of the fullness, and then looked back down at me. Motioning, he gestured for me to raise the other leg. I held up the other foot and he used one hand to remove that boot as well. Satisfied I was not carrying an unannounced arsenal strapped to my other leg, he took a step back.
“This is not a weapon that needs to be carried by a man who is concerned about his girl-friend. No, this is a weapon a man carries when he feels threatened or wants to threaten somebody. So which is it Doc, you going to save your girl-friend or put a bullet in her head?” His voice had gone from friendly Trooper just doing my job, to cold and hard. In the distance I could hear the sound of sirens and knew more Troopers were on the way.
I tried to explain about Amanda being in danger, and how I needed to get too her as fast as possible.
“Sir, my girlfriend is in danger, I need to get to her, and bring her back home as fast as possible.”
“Where is your girlfriend?”
I answered honestly. “She’s in Santa Fe at a spa somewhere having an overhaul, not sure exactly which one.”
I knew as soon as the words left my mouth the effect they were going to have. As if to prove it, I heard José hiss in frustration behind me.
“At a spa having an overhaul? You thought that was dangerous? What were you going to save her from…being tortured by the masseuse? Or, maybe there is a mummy running loose in Santa Fe I should know about. That is what you do isn’t it; chase mummies?”
“Actually no, what I do is study the origins of human-kind, with emic and etic views of their culture relative to their location as well as ethnography.” I automatically corrected. José was groaning now, and I knew I wasn’t helping the situation.
“Does this study of human-kind include the habits of men who chase women with guns in their boots?” Apparently he did not like being corrected.
Before I could answer, two more Troopers arrive with sirens blaring, rushed from their cars with guns drawn. One went to stand behind Jose, and the other joined the Trooper who was interrogating me.
“What we got Bob?” The Trooper, who had now joined ‘Bob’, was looking us over with true diligence.
“Drop the phone hombre.” Ordered the other Trooper giving José a shove to his knees and I knew this was getting out of hand real fast! Was it any wonder he thought we were dangerous? Jose was dressed like a South American Drug Lord, and we were both as dark as sin itself with our Cuban heritage.
I tried to gain control of the conversation. After all I was looking like a fool, and I did not care for it.
“Sir, if you would let me explain, I am sure I can straighten this entire mess out.”
“Right now Doc, your explanations have not been a lot of help, if I were you I would be quiet.”
He added; “Chasing after a woman with a loaded gun is never a good thing in my book.”
He elaborated for the other officers; “What we have here is a fast as hell car driven by one Antonio Dominquez, or as he likes to be called; Dr. Antonio Dominquez, Anthropologist.”
“Unfortunately for said Anthropologist, he is also driving without a license, and had a concealed weapon hidden in his boot. Haven’t had time to ascertain who the other one is yet, but from his clothes I’d say he was a wanna be member of Miami Vice or just some poor druggy who is way North of his home border.”
From behind me I heard José chime in. “Actually I am neither; I am a lawyer with a healthy practice in Miami, and his brother.” He sounded insulted over the aspersions the Trooper had cast on not only his lifestyle but his clothes. Couldn’t blame him in my opinion, but I couldn’t blame the Trooper either.
“A Miami lawyer, well that explains the clothes.”
“The Doc here says he has a great need to save his girlfriend from the dangers of a spa, although he is not sure which one; but apparently it required a fast car, a hasty trip to Santa Fe and a concealed, loaded Glock .45.”
Sammy Sutton
The silence that met that asinine sounding statement left no doubt as to the agreement among the other Troopers that I was in deep trouble and most likely a demented stalker.
     José had called Pop before the Officer made him drop the phone. With any hope, he’d get my ID here before they hauled my carcass to jail.
I prayed Amanda was still alive, because I wanted to take care of her myself...

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